Pure Love and Mutual Respect

When asking people what they look for in a relationship, both men and women frequently list "respect" among their must-have qualities for a relationship. Respect for their minds: their opinions, views, emotions, and also for their bodies. Neither men nor women want to be physically or mentally abused. This may sound excruciatingly obvious to some people, that men and women both want to be respected, but in reality there seems to be a general lack of respect for the human person, either physically or mentally--or both. Now, I'm not talking about abortion or euthanasia (though those are most definitely gross crimes against the dignity of the human person), but I am talking about respect within a romantic relationship.
In her last post, Lauren went into the importance of a good self image for women, and how the viewing of pornography (either by a man or a woman) can damage that self image and lead to poor self esteem. This inevitably leads to a lower regard for the woman's dignity, and use and abuse are almost certain to follow. In viewing pornography, respect is lost for the human person and sex ceases to be a 'big deal' to either person in the relationship. This is extremely unfortunate, because sex is one of the highest expressions of human love, and should not be taken lightly. When casual sex is in the mix, especially if it exists outside of any relationship, the heart is toyed with by the lies told by the bodies. When you have sex, your body says you love the person and give yourself freely to them as a very generous gift. If the sex is "casual" or anonymous, as it is in some cases these days, that gift is a lie, because it is immediately taken back. Now, taking back any gift given can deal a huge blow to a person's self esteem--I know that if my favorite birthday present was suddenly taken back by the person who gave it to me, I would assume they don't think I was worth the gift. How much more, then, does the ripping away of the gift of love hurt the receiver's self esteem?
This seems like a high-staked claim to make. Even so, the very liberal media has portrayed people who have casual and anonymous sex with multiple partners as people with low self esteem and poor self-image. It seems that the chaste as well as the impure agree that this casual sex leads down a bad path--but few people do anything to stop it. They are fed lies by wicked lips that sex will satisfy them "this time" or that the union of the flesh will bring them fulfillment because they "love" the person.
The simple truth is that if you really love a person, you will respect them enough--body, mind, and spirit--not to turn them into your playmate or "sex buddy." If there is a chance you will break up and take your sex away, why would you give them that awesome gift in the first place? It seems very unfair to do that to anybody, even if you both consent to it. It is as foolish as exchanging gifts on Christmas, and then immediately taking them back; it doesn't make much sense, but "everybody's doing it."
Here's the thing about respect: it has to be mutual. It has to be pure. If you're going to give someone the gift, you had better be sure they get to keep it. After all, if someone gave me a gift, it would be something I treasured and would never want taken away.


I have been on retreats and to conferences and given talks to young people, from junior high to college students, and whenever a talk is given to men about chastity, there is a huge focus on respecting women. Obviously, this is absolutely necessary because these days men get so easily sucked into pornography that it is easy to be fooled into disrespecting and demeaning women. It is highly unfortunate and extremely tragic, but these are the times we live in. For this reason, I am very glad that there is such a focus on respecting women. It needs to be learned and relearned, or the cycle of use and abuse will continue forever.
Also, in talks given to women there is a huge focus on respecting yourself, respecting the woman so that the men will in turn respect her. The woman is to demand respect from the man by the way she dresses, acts, talks, and so on. This is also extremely important to learn and relearn, because the man's viewing of pornography is only one turn in the vicious cycle--the woman's lack of respect for herself brings it full circle. If there is no self respect, there can be no mutual respect. You cannot fully respect others if you do not first and fully respect yourself.
However, I have noticed that there is never any attention given to the need for women to respect men. If there is, it is rare. Even when I talk to young women, I focus more on them respecting themselves than respecting men (though I do make it a point to at least touch on it). The fact of the matter is, though, that respect has to go both ways. If women don't respect men, the man in their relationship will find it difficult to respect the woman. After all, attitudes and actions are normally reciprocated. I do not mean that the woman has to bow down as a servant to the man, nor should the man be demanding or harsh with the woman. Rather, the two should mutually submit to each other in love, making sure each is happy and upheld as a human person. Of course, in this PC world of "equality," the word "submit" has extremely negative connotations. As I said before, however, there is no domination or tyrannical control of one over the other. There should be no force involved, but both should willingly submit, the one to the other, out of love for each other.

Now, where does sexuality come in? As said in previous posts (and above) sex is a high expression of human love. We should only have sex with the person we love the most in the world, and sex with random people is like taking away a precious gift that you have just given them. It also is disrespectful to yourself, to have frequent sex with multiple partners, because you too deserve to be held up in dignity with the greatest respect. I do, you do, and everybody does. If you love someone and want to respect them (as well we all should), it follows naturally that this one person whom you love enough to marry should be the only one to receive the invaluable gift of your sex. If you really respect them, you won't offer anything to them that they cannot keep--that is like dangling yarn in front of a cat. Immodest dress, vocal promises, and physical manifestations of sexual love should be kept for the person you marry, because that is the one for whom you have reserved that awesome and priceless gift.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T...what does it mean to you?

~Peter