A Dialogue on Chastity (by Peter)

(Charlie and Sam went hiking one day, and the conversation turned to sex. Sam, 23, believes that adult human beings should be allowed to have sex whenever, wherever, and with whomever they please. Charlie, on the other hand, is 21, and a huge advocate of chastity.)

Sam: I just don't think it's natural for humans to not have sex. It's against our natural impulses to hold back.

Charlie: And you respect nature, then?

Sam: Oh very much, yes. Nature should be respected; especially human nature.

Charlie: Don't you contradict yourself, then, when you use contraception? Isn't offspring the natural outcome of sexual intercourse?

Sam: Well no, see, having a baby is fine when you're ready to have a baby.

Charlie: Before that, nature doesn't matter too much?

Sam: I didn't say that!

Charlie: Wouldn't it be more natural to not have sex until you're naturally ready for the natural outcome? Wouldn't it be more natural to not do it until then?

Sam: You're ridiculous, you know that? You don't want to have sex; that doesn't make sense for a guy your age.

Charlie: Sure I want to have sex. What makes you think I don't?

Sam: You're always talking about "chastity" and "abstaining" and bull like that. If you want to do something, just do it.

Charlie: That doesn't make much sense; what if I had driven before getting my permit; or what if I were to take prescription medicine without it being presribed?

Sam: What does that have to do with it?

Charlie: I'm saying sure I could just have sex. It's a good thing and I'm sure it's tons of fun. Driving is fun, and taking medicine is good for you--but all three of those things have to be under the right circumstances.

Sam: What 'circumstances' should sex be under?

Charlie: A committed, lifelong, monogamous relationship.

Sam: Those don't really last...unless you get married.

Charlie: Exactly. Just like the proper context for driving is as a licensed driver, and the proper context for taking prescription drugs is with a good, legitimate prescription, the proper context for sexual intercourse is the bond of marriage.

Sam: What makes marriage the right 'prescription?'

Charlie: Well I'm Catholic, so first of all I know it to be God's Command. Beyond that, though--

Sam: Let me stop you right there, Charlie. I know you Catholics just plain don't want people to have sex. I was raised Catholic and all I heard was "no sex," "no sex," and "no sex."

Charlie: That's actually a common misconception, and an unfortunate false teaching among many lay--and even religious--teachers within the Church. The Church Herself actually promotes, protects, and proclaims the awesome dignity and power behind the wealth of total love that sexual intercourse entails. Catholics love sex. In fact, they love it too much to just sit back and allow people to abuse it!

Sam: I don't know about that. How is having sex outside of marriage really 'doing it wrong?' Can't two people just do it? It feels good, so what's the big deal?

Charlie: Sam, I think you know better than that. You can't judge the 'goodness' or 'badness' of a situation based on how good it feels. For example, putting a big sharp knife through someone's flesh can feel great to a murderer who has been wanting to kill their victim for months; but nobody's going to say it's okay just because it felt good.

Sam: Well no one gets hurt when you have sex...that's completely different.

Charlie: You're right in that I used an extreme example, but you're wrong to say that nobody gets hurt. When you were dating Lisa, you told me that the two of you had sex. You had only been dating two months when you did it, and you broke up just three months later. That's only five months, yet you told me it was the hardest breakup of your life.

Sam: Well yeah, but Lisa and I were really close. We really bonded over those five months.

Charlie: Doing what?

Sam: Well...all the stuff my other girlfriends and I did.

Charlie: Plus sex?

Sam: Plus sex.

Charlie: See, sexual intercourse isn't just a physical thing. It's not merely biological. Rather, it involves your whole self--your mind, heart, emotions--and when you have sex with another person, your minds, hearts, and emotions meld and you become so close that when you break up, it's harder because of all that spiritual bonding.

Sam: So sex is, like, a spiritual experience to you. That's fine. What if it's not to me? What if from now on I just do it physically without really caring if the girl and I break up? What if we were just sex buddies?

Charlie: What happens when your sex buddy gets tired of only having sex, and wants to hang out with you afterwards; wants to cuddle, wants to grow close? See, there is a bonding process in intercourse no matter how you try to keep it purely physical.

Sam: I'm still not really buying it. But whatever. What can you do when you're trying to be chaste?

Charlie: You can do whatever you want!

Sam: What if I want to have premarital sex?

Charlie: Then you're not being chaste anymore.

Sam: So I can do whatever I want as long as I follow the 'rules?' How is that doing what I want?

Charlie: You sure seem concerned with what you want. Chastity isn't like that. Chastity doesn't take. Chaste love gives the other person love, rather than takes all the pleasure it can out of the sexual partner.

Sam: Don't accuse me of being selfish! You're the one pushing your views on me!

Charlie: I thought we were having a discussion. If you don't want to talk about it, I won't.

(After a pause)
Sam: Okay, expert, so chaste love gives. What if a woman wants to give me her love? Should I deny her the opportunity to be chaste?

Charlie: If it isn't a mutual desire to give, then you're still taking. You know how on Christmas, everyone gives presents? Remember when we were kids, there was always that message of "'tis better to give than receive?" Well, that applies to sex too. It is always a better feeling of 'warm fuzzies' when you give a gift to another person--and what greater gift is there than your whole being? Love is really a self-sacrifice, given out of love for another person.

Sam: Why would I want to give myself up for some girl?

Charlie: You wouldn't! Not just for 'some girl,' anyway. It should seem natural, though, to give yourself up for the love of your life, your one true love, your bride.

Sam: And how do you know when you've found "the one?" When are you sure it's love, and not just infatuation?

Charlie: When you see a ring on your finger, and the person you love standing with you at your wedding, then you know it is love. Marriage guarantees love. At least, a good marriage. Divorce, obviously, destroys that. But that is for a different conversation.

Sam: How do I know the girl I love is my one true love? How will I know when I want to marry someone?

Charlie: That, Sam, is something I can't tell you. I'm not married, so I don't know.

Sam: Okay, well...I'm still not sure if I agree with everything you're saying, but you have made some good points. I'll have to seriously think about it.

Charlie: Cool.

Sam: I guess it is.