A Dialogue on Chastity (by Peter)

(Charlie and Sam went hiking one day, and the conversation turned to sex. Sam, 23, believes that adult human beings should be allowed to have sex whenever, wherever, and with whomever they please. Charlie, on the other hand, is 21, and a huge advocate of chastity.)

Sam: I just don't think it's natural for humans to not have sex. It's against our natural impulses to hold back.

Charlie: And you respect nature, then?

Sam: Oh very much, yes. Nature should be respected; especially human nature.

Charlie: Don't you contradict yourself, then, when you use contraception? Isn't offspring the natural outcome of sexual intercourse?

Sam: Well no, see, having a baby is fine when you're ready to have a baby.

Charlie: Before that, nature doesn't matter too much?

Sam: I didn't say that!

Charlie: Wouldn't it be more natural to not have sex until you're naturally ready for the natural outcome? Wouldn't it be more natural to not do it until then?

Sam: You're ridiculous, you know that? You don't want to have sex; that doesn't make sense for a guy your age.

Charlie: Sure I want to have sex. What makes you think I don't?

Sam: You're always talking about "chastity" and "abstaining" and bull like that. If you want to do something, just do it.

Charlie: That doesn't make much sense; what if I had driven before getting my permit; or what if I were to take prescription medicine without it being presribed?

Sam: What does that have to do with it?

Charlie: I'm saying sure I could just have sex. It's a good thing and I'm sure it's tons of fun. Driving is fun, and taking medicine is good for you--but all three of those things have to be under the right circumstances.

Sam: What 'circumstances' should sex be under?

Charlie: A committed, lifelong, monogamous relationship.

Sam: Those don't really last...unless you get married.

Charlie: Exactly. Just like the proper context for driving is as a licensed driver, and the proper context for taking prescription drugs is with a good, legitimate prescription, the proper context for sexual intercourse is the bond of marriage.

Sam: What makes marriage the right 'prescription?'

Charlie: Well I'm Catholic, so first of all I know it to be God's Command. Beyond that, though--

Sam: Let me stop you right there, Charlie. I know you Catholics just plain don't want people to have sex. I was raised Catholic and all I heard was "no sex," "no sex," and "no sex."

Charlie: That's actually a common misconception, and an unfortunate false teaching among many lay--and even religious--teachers within the Church. The Church Herself actually promotes, protects, and proclaims the awesome dignity and power behind the wealth of total love that sexual intercourse entails. Catholics love sex. In fact, they love it too much to just sit back and allow people to abuse it!

Sam: I don't know about that. How is having sex outside of marriage really 'doing it wrong?' Can't two people just do it? It feels good, so what's the big deal?

Charlie: Sam, I think you know better than that. You can't judge the 'goodness' or 'badness' of a situation based on how good it feels. For example, putting a big sharp knife through someone's flesh can feel great to a murderer who has been wanting to kill their victim for months; but nobody's going to say it's okay just because it felt good.

Sam: Well no one gets hurt when you have sex...that's completely different.

Charlie: You're right in that I used an extreme example, but you're wrong to say that nobody gets hurt. When you were dating Lisa, you told me that the two of you had sex. You had only been dating two months when you did it, and you broke up just three months later. That's only five months, yet you told me it was the hardest breakup of your life.

Sam: Well yeah, but Lisa and I were really close. We really bonded over those five months.

Charlie: Doing what?

Sam: Well...all the stuff my other girlfriends and I did.

Charlie: Plus sex?

Sam: Plus sex.

Charlie: See, sexual intercourse isn't just a physical thing. It's not merely biological. Rather, it involves your whole self--your mind, heart, emotions--and when you have sex with another person, your minds, hearts, and emotions meld and you become so close that when you break up, it's harder because of all that spiritual bonding.

Sam: So sex is, like, a spiritual experience to you. That's fine. What if it's not to me? What if from now on I just do it physically without really caring if the girl and I break up? What if we were just sex buddies?

Charlie: What happens when your sex buddy gets tired of only having sex, and wants to hang out with you afterwards; wants to cuddle, wants to grow close? See, there is a bonding process in intercourse no matter how you try to keep it purely physical.

Sam: I'm still not really buying it. But whatever. What can you do when you're trying to be chaste?

Charlie: You can do whatever you want!

Sam: What if I want to have premarital sex?

Charlie: Then you're not being chaste anymore.

Sam: So I can do whatever I want as long as I follow the 'rules?' How is that doing what I want?

Charlie: You sure seem concerned with what you want. Chastity isn't like that. Chastity doesn't take. Chaste love gives the other person love, rather than takes all the pleasure it can out of the sexual partner.

Sam: Don't accuse me of being selfish! You're the one pushing your views on me!

Charlie: I thought we were having a discussion. If you don't want to talk about it, I won't.

(After a pause)
Sam: Okay, expert, so chaste love gives. What if a woman wants to give me her love? Should I deny her the opportunity to be chaste?

Charlie: If it isn't a mutual desire to give, then you're still taking. You know how on Christmas, everyone gives presents? Remember when we were kids, there was always that message of "'tis better to give than receive?" Well, that applies to sex too. It is always a better feeling of 'warm fuzzies' when you give a gift to another person--and what greater gift is there than your whole being? Love is really a self-sacrifice, given out of love for another person.

Sam: Why would I want to give myself up for some girl?

Charlie: You wouldn't! Not just for 'some girl,' anyway. It should seem natural, though, to give yourself up for the love of your life, your one true love, your bride.

Sam: And how do you know when you've found "the one?" When are you sure it's love, and not just infatuation?

Charlie: When you see a ring on your finger, and the person you love standing with you at your wedding, then you know it is love. Marriage guarantees love. At least, a good marriage. Divorce, obviously, destroys that. But that is for a different conversation.

Sam: How do I know the girl I love is my one true love? How will I know when I want to marry someone?

Charlie: That, Sam, is something I can't tell you. I'm not married, so I don't know.

Sam: Okay, well...I'm still not sure if I agree with everything you're saying, but you have made some good points. I'll have to seriously think about it.

Charlie: Cool.

Sam: I guess it is.

Take Guard Against Gardasil

Last month I went to my doctor for a check-up before the summer is over and I leave for school again. After making sure everything was normal, my doctor sat me down and asked me if I would be interested in getting the Gardasil vaccine. Posters were all over the walls of this office proclaiming that mothers and daughters should receive this vaccine due to its immunization against the Human Papilloma Virus also known as HPV. So I had her brief me on this new vaccine. It protects against 4 of the 100 areas of HPV. Yes, only 4. Apparently "women" ages 9-26 are recommended to receive this vaccine. Also, some states are attempting to make it mandatory for all "women" to receive this vaccination and are making sure it is covered by medical insurance companies. After hearing this, I was shocked. 9 year olds getting vaccines protecting them from HPV? My doctor told me to look at it as a tetanus or MMR shot; as more of a protection in case something happens in the future even if I wasn't planning on it happening. As though HPV was something from which no woman could protect herself. She asked if I would be interested in receiving the shot that day and I refused politely. She questioned me asking why I wasn't interested and I told her straight out that I was waiting until marriage to have sex. Her reply shocked me because instead of respecting my choice of not having sex unless it was in marriage, she said, "Well, you might plan for that to happen, but you never know when that one man will come along and you will fall in love, and plans of abstinence will change." What she didn't realize is that when love occurs, plans of abstinence will NOT change and if they do, well it's not falling in love, but falling in lust. She spoke to me as though she did not have the faith in me to stay strong in my beliefs and remain chaste for life.

But back to the idea of giving this vaccine to 9 year olds. How is a parent supposed to explain that type of shot to a 9 year old girl? The other vaccines are easy to explain, but to tell your daughter that she's going to the doctor to receive a shot that will make her "immune" to a sexually transmitted disease is absurd. Also, its quite apparent that by making a vaccine that supposedly protects a woman from getting a STD encourages her to have sex more often and with multiple partners. This idea that she is protected from HPV will make her believe she is invincible. Instead of trying to protect individuals completely from getting STDs by promoting waiting to have sex until one is married, the drug companies are using this to their advantage and trying to make money. This society believes that teens can't resist having sex, so they make it possible for teens to have "safe sex" when really the only "safe sex" one can have is in a monogamous committed relationship aka marriage. This is like a parent who thinks they're protecting their child by buying alcohol for him because he would be drinking anyway and they might as well make sure he doesn't get caught. America should be encouraging the values of strength and self control in teens, especially when dealing with premarital sex. Instead, we encourage teens to do what they want and make it easier by taking away consequences of their actions.

Lauren