Modesty Part 2--Male Perspective

Cleavage turns guys on. It's not our fault; that's just how it is. Pretty much any amount of cleavage, and pretty much in any place. It's not a conscious decision, it's the biological function called "arousal." In a discussion on chastity, a close friend and chastity advocate mentioned that when a man sees cleavage, without even thinking, a certain amount of blood rushes to the penis to fill it for an erection. That's insane. It's true though, and there's really nothing we men can do about it. Sure, there's the "neck up" exercise, where we make it a point to only look at a girl from the neck up, but there are a few defects to that practice: first, some of us (myself included), are only 5'2", forcing us to strain and stretch in order to meet that requirement. Secondly, girls wear colors that catch the eye; jewelry that glistens and demands attention. Of course, then, there are the shirts with clever, catchy phrases across the breasts. Now, I'm not saying you shouldn't wear clever shirts, or jewelry, or attractive colors. However, when those good things are combined with an indecent amount of cleavage, that's when you can turn a 'good thing' into negative attention.
Now, I'm a guy. I've heard the infamous "locker room talk" that I'm sure some of you have heard about; a guy goes out with a girl, then brags about what they did to all the guys the next day. Call it a rite of passage, call it what you will--it happens. It begins with "man I took this one girl out last night..." and ends with the rest of the guys saying "what a slut!" Personally, I don't know why any girl would want that. When that happens, though, it can be a reaction to one of two things: either "she dressed like a slut" or "did [insert 'slutty' action here]." Okay, now the cat is out of the bag and you women know how much power you have over us men. I want to pause here to tell you that not all men are like that--I, for instance (and I'm not trying to brag about what a great guy I am; I'm just being honest), have never done that to any girl I've been out with. I have, however, reacted to other peoples' stories with "what a slut," and for that I apologize to every woman who reads this. The point is, a lot of guys aren't that bad and not all of us participate in it. OKAY, so as I was saying, now you know how much power is in your hands on every date. Guys don't call you sluts for no reason--it's usually because of something you did or something you wore.
I won't talk about the "did" right now, because this is an entry on modesty, not abstinence, but rather I'd like to focus on the 'something you wore.' What men think about you--how much they respect you, how much they want to listen to you and get to know you--a good part of that hinges on how you dress. I know a girl who wears skimpy outfits--tight shirts showing a good three inches of cleavage, shorts or skirts that end just below her butt--and then complains about how guys objectify her at every turn!! It seems to me that it would be a no brainer: in this sex-crazed culture in which we live, if you dress like all the girls who "want some," you're going to be treated like another girl who "wants some." If you want, rather, to be respected as an individual; to be thought of as important and classy, then you're going to have to dress differently from every girl who wants to hook up with the cutest guy who buys her a drink!

Honestly, you don't have to "bare all," or even "most," to get a guy's attention. I love my girlfriend very much, and I respect her an equal amount, and a lot of that respect and love was the result of her decision to go 'against the flow,' so to speak, and dress more modestly. Is she attractive? Oh yeah. And you'd better believe that if she wore scandalous clothes and showed a lot more of her body, she would have my undivided attention all of the time. You can also be completely sure that I wouldn't respect her as much. I would desire her body, and I'm sure I'd still like her personality, but I can guarantee that if she dressed like she wanted to have sex all the time, I'd be too distracted by that to ever pay enough attention to let a real love grow between us. Since she dresses modestly, and covers her private parts (breasts, butt, etc..), there are no distractions from her personality, nothing pulling me mentally away from conversation, and not as much temptation to "cross the line," so to speak. We have a very strong relationship, built on not only physical attraction, but emotional, ideological, spiritual, and pretty much every level. Because of this, it has not only seen us through months of separation (we live in different states), but our relationship has, in fact, grown closer, stronger, and more intimate than I ever thought possible from a long distance relationship.
The power was all in Lauren's hands--she could have worn skimpy clothes, she could have gone to clubs and acted the way "slutty" girls do (to use locker room language), but then she wouldn't have known the joy of a chaste relationship...and neither would I.

Ladies, it is in your control. I'm not going to tell you what to wear, and I'm not going to act like I know you or your story. What I'm saying is this: if you dress like all the other girls, how can guys know they're to treat you differently? If you don't dress like you want respect, why should you expect them to know you want it? If you want to be caught in a cycle of one-night stands, inappropriate advances, and an unsatisfactory love life, that's your life and your decision. All I'm asking you is to consider your options: dress like a "slut" and be treated like one, or dress to demand respect and better treatment, and get that. You might have to wait a little longer for a respectful, genuinely nice guy; but I'm pretty sure it would be worth it. Do what's best for you.

~Peter