Seriously. It's one of my favorite things to read about, talk about, learn more about...unfortunately, it seems that chastity is a very misunderstood concept. Most people write it off as another word for "abstinence." Honestly, however, they aren't the same thing--though they are related. "Abstinence," when used in relation to intercourse, means to restrain yourself from having sex; to never have sex or do anything sexual--to constantly "hit the brakes," so to speak, when one is with their prospective partner, just before having intercourse (or even engaging in what is known as "outercourse," or anything remotely sexual). "Chastity," on the other hand, does not rule out sex; in fact, it promotes human sexuality to its fullest. It does involve refraining from explicitly sexual activity, but if the people involved are truly chaste, there is no "hitting the brakes" involved, because they would never put themselves in any position to have to hit them. Think of it like this: while speeding in a car, you would have to "hit the brakes" if you saw something in front of you. It would wear down your tires and breaks, as well as upset the balance in the car, thrusting everybody forward to avoid hitting whatever was before the car. That would be comparable to abstinence. However, if you weren't speeding at all, you could ride comfortably along and reach your destination without choking passengers with their seatbelts or causing unnecessary wear and tear to your vehicle. That's chastity. When you're truly chaste, you're never in danger of "crashing" into sex before you are truly ready, so "hitting the brakes" isn't necessary. Then how do you be chaste and still have sex? Quite simply: when it is in a permanent monogamous relationship between a man and a woman who give themselves completely to the other out of pure love for one another, that is chaste sex, chaste intercourse, chaste sexual activity. Anything outside of that is unchaste, and the people involved run a serious risk of heartache, pain, STDs, unplanned pregnancies, and a plethora of other worries, regrets, and problems. I won't get into all of these now, but will save them for another post later on.
Is it easy to be chaste? Not all the time, no. For example, I have a beautiful girlfriend and a pretty healthy sex drive. There will clearly be temptations, time after time. So what we have decided to do is to limit physical affection to holding hands, hugging, and quick little kisses so that we don't go "too far" and have to "hit the brakes" time after time after time. When I first heard that "the more chaste you are, the easier it is to be chaste," I thought "Jason Evert is off his rocker." How can it be easier to stop doing more than before? How can it be easier to refrain from doing more of the things I want to do?! That didn't make much sense to me. However, I found out the truth behind the wise words from the guru of purity: if you don't do more, you won't do more. Let me explain: when a man deeply kisses a woman, I mean really kisses her with a passion for a long time, there is arousal in both parties, and the chemicals released in the brain cause a strong sexual desire for the other, so that both people want to have sex. Now, if the man and woman hadn't been kissing like that in the first place, the chemicals wouldn't have been released and they wouldn't be faced with as much temptation.
Now, I'm not starting this blog to tell you to "just say no," or not have sex "because I said so." This blog is being started to help you learn, understand, and hold fast to clear-cut, easy-to-understand methods to find a life long, completely satisfying sexual relationship. Because both secular and religious experts agree: the best, most fulfilling sex is the sex that's in a fully committed, completely loving, selfless, long-term monogamous relationship. Take out one of these ingredients and you run the risks of heartache, STDs, breast cancer, unplanned pregnancies, abortion and the psychological trauma that follows, and broken hearts time after time after time. I'm starting this blog not to control anybody, but to help. Because I hate to see people with broken hearts; I hate seeing the damages caused by abortions and unplanned pregnancies; I hate seeing the ravages of AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases. Mostly, I just hate seeing people getting played for a fool by their own sex drive, which leaves them broken, shattered, torn, confused, frustrated, and just basically at a loss for what to do next.
In this blogspot, we will be promoting chastity through discussing modest dress, abortion issues, contraceptives, and other such things that relate to the whole of chastity. Remember, human sexuality is intrinsically involved in every aspect of your life, because by your very nature you are either a man or a woman. So a lot will be discussed.
To reach the Sexperts, men and women who will be working with me to provide answers to your questions of chastity, please email us at the.sexperts@yahoo.com or leave a comment below.
Peter
2 comments:
Peter, I like the distincions here between abstinence and chastity. Another good Vocabulary word to further more accurate discussion of the human experience is "continence."
Distinct from the fuller experience of chastity, but also different from plain old abstinence, I understand continence to mean a sort of abstinence for chastity's sake - perhaps conflictedly abstaining from what is wrong in the hopes of eventually doing so full-heartedly as a chaste person.
Kevin,
I've been looking up "continence" since you left this comment, and so far every definition matches every definition I've found for abstinence. This leads me to believe that the only difference in the words is the connotation, rather than the actual definition.
If you have another source, one that I may have missed, feel free to email me at the.sexperts@yahoo.com and let me know. I'm always glad to learn more!
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